


Waiting

by ShirosRedKnight (SweetFanfics)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bareback Sex, M/M, Nightmares, PIV Sex, Shiro has PTSD, non-con oophorectomy (ovary removal), passing mentions of body dysphoria, passing mentions to shiro being experimented on by haggar and her druids, trans shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 16:42:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11235033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetFanfics/pseuds/ShirosRedKnight
Summary: They’d only just celebrated their two month anniversary when Shiro had been told he was going to be part of the Kerberos mission.“We only have a couple of months before I have to go."“Don’t talk like you’re not going to come back.”“So you’d wait for me?”“Yeah. I would.”Keith was a man of his word and he didn’t make promises lightly, Shiro knew that. But shortly after he was captured by the Galra, Shiro had whispered an apology to the stars he couldn't see from his cell. That was a promise he’d be forcing Keith to break.





	Waiting

**Author's Note:**

> [This piece by yumikoyuki](https://shirosredknight.tumblr.com/post/158019778000/yumikoyuki-was-watching-a-movie-and-doodling-in) got me thnkin about trans!shiro so… /gestures at fic/ et voila. 
> 
> I changed it all from present tense to past tense so if something is wrong PLEaSE tell me so I can fix it!

_Before_ , it had been a difficult journey to arrive at a point where he had been happy with who he was. _How_  he was. The surgery had been difficult, the recovery period more so. But he’d persisted. He’d spent a good part of his year off working out and developing muscles so that he could pass with greater ease.

 

Despite his fears, his time at the Galaxy Garrison Flight Academy had been smooth sailing. Shiro had felt challenged in a rare way, academically and physically. His happiness was rooted in the satisfaction that he was on the road to achieving his dreams. And then, at the start of his third year,  Keith had walked into his life. That was when Shiro learned the happiness of being fully accepted by someone. And within a few months, he realized how terrifyingly uplifting love could be. 

 

Acceptance was something he had been blessed with from the start courtesy of his family and friends. But the kiss Keith lay on his lips after Shiro trusted him with the whole truth? It was the easiest acceptance he'd ever received and it had stolen Shiro’s breath away.

 

So they had started dating. They kissed, touched, _loved_ each other. It had been scary to bare himself to Keith one piece at a time but Shiro had done it. He had wanted Keith to know all of him in the same way he wanted to know _Keith_. Besides which, and most importantly, Shiro trusted Keith completely and this was one way to show that.

 

The first time Shiro took his shirt off in front of Keith, dark blue eyes had paused a few heavy seconds on the scars on the older cadet’s chest before rising up. Shiro’s lungs had tightened at the look in Keith’s eyes; Pure reverence was directed his way. 

 

“You’re beautiful,” he was told with complete and utter earnestness.

 

Shiro had ducked his gaze, cheeks warm with embarrassed pleasure. To hide the color rising up his neck, he'd taken hold of Keith's face with both his hands and kissed him as deeply as he could.

 

\--

 

They’d only just celebrated their two month anniversary when Shiro had been told he was going to be part of the Kerberos mission.

 

“We only have a couple of months before I have to go,” Shiro had regretfully told Keith in his room.

 

Keith’s palms cupped his jaw in return. “Don’t talk like you’re not going to come back.”

 

With a weak laugh, Shiro had asked, “So you’d wait for me?”

 

“Yeah. I would.”

 

Keith was a man of his word and he didn’t make promises lightly, Shiro knew that. But shortly after he was captured by the Galra, Shiro had whispered an apology to the stars he couldn't see from his cell. That was a promise he’d be forcing Keith to break.

 

It was why tears filled his eyes when the first thing Keith said to him, after Shiro has crashed back to Earth, was, “You took your time coming back home, Shirogane.”

 

Clinging to Keith in a desperate hug, Shiro struggled to tell the other man that he hasn’t returned as the same man he used to be. There were parts of him that he had lost in space - metaphorically and _literally_. The witch, Hagar, and her druids had experimented on him infrequently, poking around in his insides and collecting their samples. Shiro could no longer touch the center of his chest without growing cold at the sensation of the Y-shaped scar under his palm. Sometimes he swore he could still feel the cold press of metal against his organs.

 

\--

 

He passed on knowing the results of the physical Coran made them all go through after they'd left Arus. All Shiro needed to know was he was in peak health. Beyond that, he didn't care to know. Shiro doesn’t _want_ to know. He doesn’t think he can stomach the knowledge. Ignorance is bliss and all that jazz. Too bad his brain doesn’t get that memo because he gradually began to get some memories back in the form of nightmares.

 

Every time Shiro woke up with a jerk, struggling to process the fact that there was a soft bed under his back and not a metallic gurney. It was always a memory of one experiment or another that came back to him. Memories of fighting in the arena were still buried deep in his brain and Shiro was thankful for it. These days, the memory of one experiment where he’d been kept awake to test the limits of his pain threshold rattled around inside his brain.

 

Bile rose up his throat as he remembered the way he'd yelled - for mercy, for help, for no reason beyond agony. Every time he raced for the bathroom and threw up into the sink or toilet, whichever he felt was closest. One memorable time he vomited his dinner onto the floor next to his bed as the memory of a druid dropping one of his ovaries into a fluid filled container returned.

 

His nightmares crawled through the cracks in the walls and clung to his skin. No amount of scrubbing helped him feel clean. Shiro felt broken. Shattered in a way that defied explanation. But there are moments where, when Keith touched him, Shiro felt a little more whole than he usually does, but still incomplete.

 

\--

 

Their second first kiss was initiated by Keith again. It felt like they’ve stepped back in time for a brief moment. Shiro savored the sweetness of it for a moment before pulling back. He echoed the same words from that moment in Keith’s room and said, “I need to tell you something.”

 

There was a flash of inpatient unhappiness in Keith’s eyes that was immediately tempered. Keith nodded slowly, palms sliding down to lightly grasp Shiro’s wrists. He stood rock steady, patiently listening to Shiro shakily explain that he wasn't sure if they should do this.

 

“I’m not…whole. I’m not the person I used to be, Keith. And…” His throat swelled shut. Shiro struggled to swallow past his dry throat, wondering if he was shaking apart or of it was the ship flying through a rough patch. “You don’t want to see what they did to me. All the scars I got.”

 

Neither of them were wearing their gloves and Shiro wished he were. He’d feel stronger, more sure about his decision if he couldn’t feel Keith’s warmth against his palms. 

 

He held his breath when Keith raised their linked hands up and kissed the long healed scars on Shiro’s knuckles. “I still want to try.” Keith’s voice is firm and determined. “You’re still you in all the ways that matter.” A single finger tapped the center of right pectoral. “ _Here_. You’re still you. If you don't want us to be together because you think that you're not worth it then let me tell you,  _you are_. But if you don't want to date because you need space then I'll respect that. But don't think I don't want you just because you think that you're.... incomplete.”

 

Shiro didn’t cry despite the itchiness scratching against the back of his throat and the corner of his eyes. He also couldn't let go of Keith for most of the night that followed as they shared a bed for the first time in over a year. He didn’t sleep. He couldn’t. But Shiro stayed connected with Keith, eyes closed as he relearned how sweetly their bodies fit against each other.

 

In the morning, he tentatively agreed to try. Shiro gave Keith a long list of warnings, cautioning him that things are going to be different. Keith’s response was a sleepy cheek pat and a kiss to Shiro's scarred nose. 

 

“Patience yields focus.”

 

He stared incredulously at Keith, watching him slip out of bed and stagger towards the bathroom with a loud yawn. 

 

“Did you _really_ use that on _me_?” He'd asked Keith's back.

 

Keith snickered in response before closing the door behind him.

 

\--

 

They took it slow. Glacially slow. Shiro expected Keith to lose his patience a few weeks in but the red paladin didn’t. By all accounts he seemed content with holding hands, cuddling on a bed, and stealing kisses when no one was looking. He seemed particularly fond of the last one, taking it up as a challenge to sneak kisses from Shiro and make him blush and grin.

 

However, there were times when they would be together and Shiro would feel Keith’s hardness against his hip or thigh and freeze. His brain screeched o a halt and flounder over what to do. The pause would be enough to make Keith pull away immediately, shakily asking for a quick break before wobbling over to the bathroom in an unsteady gait. Shiro would flop back with a groan, hands covering his face as he tried not to hate his body and it’s reactions.

 

 _It’s Keith_ , Shiro sternly told himself over and over again. _I trust him completely_.

 

 _Enough to show him what you look like now_? A voice sardonically inquired from the darkest recesses of his mind.

 

He hesitated on that. Keith, for all his flaws, isn’t _that_ shallow that he’d dump Shiro if he was a little scarred. But the kind of scars Shiro was sporting _now_ … Shiro couldn't help but hesitate. Until the day comes when he was _tired_ of the uncertainty and pulled his shirt off without warning, much to Keith’s surprise. 

\--

 

Keith’s startled eyes dipped down.Shiro braced himself for the worst. He expected shock, horror, disgust. An ugly sense of satisfaction fills him when he saw Keith’s eyes widen as they traced the shape of his largest scar across his torso. But rather than horror or disgust, anger burned across Keith’s face.

 

Shiro watched him swallow. It was obvious that Keith was struggling to keep his emotions in line. His lips pursed together until they turn white before Keith let out an explosive exhale and grabbed Shiro in a painfully tight hug. 

 

“You…” Keith started and failed, shaking his head. His hair tickled against Shiro’s bare skin. “You..”

 

“Me?” Shiro asked in a thready whisper, feeling as steady as a whispy feather bracing itself for the next gust of wind.

 

Pulling back so that he could cup Shiro’s face, Keith answered, “You’re still the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever been with. Inside _and_ outside.”

 

The naked honesty and conviction with which Keith says that is what finally broke Shiro. He was the one who grabbed Keith in a hug this time, burying his face against the worn material of his shirt to hide his tears. 

 

\--

 

It didn’t get easier after that. In fact, it was harder than ever before to reveal his scarred body to Keith’s loving gaze. Shiro buried his face in his hands and grieved for his lost confidence. He doesn’t remember what it was like back when he had eagerly stripped himself bare for Keith. That person, who had laughed breathlessly in bed with Keith, was a stranger to him now. Shiro didn't remember what it was like to feel confident in how he looked anymore.

 

Behind him, the mattress dipped as Keith rose up to his knees. Shiro felt him shift forward until Keith’s bare body pressed against his side, lean and warm. Just his shoulder pressing against Shiro's. A wordless  _I'm here,_ being telegraphed to Shiro as he tried to pull himself back together. 

 

“What is it?” 

 

Shiro shook his head, arms defensively crossed against the slash marks on his stomach. “Bad brain day.” 

 

Despite his body language, Shiro pressed back into Keith's weight. With an understanding noise, Keith relaxed against him, arms loosely linked around Shiro’s body. “Anything I can do to help?”

 

“Replace my brain with a newer model?” Shiro joked. 

 

Keith snorted, pressing his nose against Shiro’s buzz cut. “Sorry, no can do. Fresh out of replacement brains.” His smile pressing against Shiro's soft shorn hair allowed the older man to suck in much needed gulp of air. Keith waited for him to relax before asking, more quietly, “Do you want to go back to bed? Lie down?”

 

He shook his head immediately, pushing back the memory that had almost come back to him. He knew what Keith was offering and didn't want that. Turning slightly, Shiro touched Keith’s forearm and told him, “I still want to try.”

 

“Don’t push yourself. We don’t have to d-”

 

Shiro tightened his grip on Keith’s arm, turning fully to face the other man. “I’m not pushing myself.”

 

He got a disbelieving eyebrow quirked at him for that.

 

It caused Shiro to wilt and mutter, “Okay, fine. I’m not pushing myself _a lot_. But I want to do this.” He touched Keith’s face with a sigh. “I want _you_. I want to have sex with you. But I…”

 

Keith followed the helpless sweep of the hand gesturing at Shiro’s body with a complex look on his face. But before Shiro could understand it, it shifted into something more contemplative.

 

“I’ve got an idea,” Keith began, sitting higher up on his knees before moving until he was kneeling behind Shiro. “Lean back on me.”

 

Carefully, Shiro did so and waited. He leaned his head back, enjoying the way Keith's hair ticked the side of his face. Keith’s fingertips ran up and down Shiro’s arms, causing goosebumps to rise in their wake. The soothing touch repeated until Shiro was utterly relaxed in Keith’s arms. He didn’t notice when those touches shifted from his arms to his torso, tracing the shape of his abs.

 

“Good?” 

 

Shiro answered the husky inquiry with a soft nod. A soft kiss was pressed behind one ear. The soft ticklish feeling made Shiro twitch even as he smiled. His eyes blinked open when he felt Keith’s hands slide a little more south. _Just_ shy of his pubic hair. It was the furthest they’d gotten so far and Shiro felt excited. Eager for things to go forward. But Keith's touch stayed there. So close to where Shiro wanted but still too far.

 

With a tremulous smile, Shiro leaned further back with a quiet, “Touch me, Keith.”

 

Keith’s palm cupped his mound before relaxing, middle finger dragging up between the soft folds until they touch Shiro's dick. He teased the organ gently, urging it to swell to its full size before capturing it between two fingers to tease Shiro further. Relaxing with a pleased sigh, Shiro rolled his hips into the touch. Over and over again until they had got a good rhythm going. 

 

The heat in his center bubbled over in frustration the longer Keith ignored his signs for more. Shiro moaned at a particularly pleasant rub, jerking his hips up in a futile effort to make Keith’s fingers dip down into his hole. 

 

“Keith,” Shiro keened finally. “Please. I need more.”

 

With a hard kiss against the side of his head, Keith complied. Shiro groaned loudly as the single digit slid in with a wet noise. _Fuck_. He was _so_ wet. He didn’t remember the last time he was so…

 

Keith’s finger moved, cracking that last thought into two. Shiro’s hips moved smoothly at first but his satisfaction was only temporary. Soon enough, the single digit languidly fucking him wasn’t enough. This time, thankfully, Keith picked up on his desires before he could voice them.

 

Shiro moaned when he felt Keith’s dick twitch against his back, tapping against his back. It left behind a small wet spot that had Shiro's inside _aching_. It had been _so long_. His body yearned for the most honest and carnal connection two people could have with each other.

 

So he turned, planting a knee on either side of Keith’s hip before kissing him deeply. Shiro grinned at Keith’s surprised noise, gently pushing him down on his back before taking hold of him in his right hand.

 

“Takashi…” Keith breathed out, looking blissed out under him. Shiro held that gaze as he slowly sank down on Keith. He blinked rapidly at the stretch, momentarily regretting that he hadn't taken more time to prep himself but…  _it had been so long_. 

 

It was that thought that had Shiro moving before he realized it. Desperation colored his every move. The need to connect with Keith completely, to be one with him, to _come_ with him, took over. The selfish desire to achieve completion overshadowed everything. All Shiro wanted was to stretch this moment out for as long as possible. To remain connected.

 

Part of that feeling must have transferred over because Shiro saw it reflected back at him in Keith’s eyes. It was like splashing gasoline onto an electric fire. Wild, reckless abandon overtook them, making them cling to each other as they fuck. He'd thought that their second first time would have been more like their first - gentle lovemaking with an awkward sweet grace that would make them giggle at each other later. But no. 

 

Shiro threw his head back with a long groan when Keith’s dick slid against a spot that made him see stars. He hissed in satisfaction when Keith cursed and tightened his grip on Shiro’s thighs. This was animalistic lust and a deep desire for reconnection. It was desperate and ugly and impatient. An explosive but long awaited reunion. He planted his hands on either side of Keith's head and worked his hips as hard as he could, moaning at the dirty slapping sounds that their joining was making.

 

“Takashi, you gotta… I gotta pull out.” Keith warned, hands having moved up to Shiro’s hips. Guiding him as much as using him as an anchor as they moved as one. “I’m gonna come.”

 

But Shiro ignored the warning with a sharp head shake. He swiped a hand through his fringe, pushing it out of the way before dropping back down on Keith’s dick. The wet slap that resonated in the room was about as satisfying as the feeling of being filled by Keith’s dick.

 

He smirked down at Keith’s pleasure filled expression. Feeling incredibly smug, Shiro dropped down on a single elbow and whispered against Keith’s mouth, “Come in me.”

 

The _wild_ look in Keith’s eyes was his undoing. It was a look they hold as Keith fucked into him, dark eyes greedily taking in Shiro’s every reaction. Shiro struggled to maintain eye contact when Keith snuck his hand between them, wetting his fingers with Shiro's slick before using them to tease Shiro's dick. It was incredible. Shiro's being sang with delight at the realization that despite all their time apart, Keith still remembered what was the fastest way to undo him.

 

The last thing Shiro saw before he dropped his forehead on Keith’s shoulder, was Keith’s expression twisting in pleasure as he came. Shiro rode Keith through his orgasm, moaning with him. The stickiness between his legs grew as Keith’s release slid out of him as he struggled to reach his own climax. A sob of relief cracked his chest in two when he feels Keith’s trembling hand clumsily but earnestly rubbing at the bundle of nerves until he was coming with a silent cry of his own.

 

\--

 

He must have passed out afterwards because the next thing Shiro realized was that he was under the sheets with Keith, whose palm rested in the center of Shiro’s chest, in the center of the Y-scar.

 

His breath caught in his throat immediately, mind and body bracing itself.

 

“Still good?” Keith asked in a whisper, fingers sliding up to trace the shape of his collarbone. 

 

He dropped his hand on top of Keith’s and exhaled. There's no sinking cold feeling, there's not nightmare tapping against the back of his eyelids. There was only a pleasant soreness in his muscles and a less pleasant stickiness between his thighs. There was only warmth and contentedness. Shiro whispered back, “Yeah. I'm good.” 

 

Keith pressed a sleepy kiss to his neck. The nuzzle that followed made Shiro smile and turn his face to look at Keith. Peaceful dark eyes flit up to look at him. Shiro smiled at his boyfriend, pushing his bangs out of the way before saying, “Thanks for waiting for me.” 

 

Keith’s hand slide forward to hug Shiro’s side, pulling him closer to him. “Told you before, didn’t I? You’re worth waiting for.”

 

Feeling unbearably shy, Shiro turned and buried his nose against Keith's hair with a murmur of, "Still. Thanks."

 

"I love you," Keith whispered back, tightening his grip on Shiro. 

 

"Me too."

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if I've missed tagging anything!


End file.
